Nothing But Iron: Apple to Oranges January 1, 2008 by Steven R. Lagman, M.D, C.A.S.W. with Contributions by Terry Hart, Astute NBI Reader Terry Hart had plenty to say about the Dish-Direct TV debate, but until I translated it into a PC compatible format by hitting Alt-Caps Lock-Del-F7 at the DOS prompt, most of you would not have been able to read his gem of a reply. That’s because 95% of you, according to Terry’s data, use PCs like I do. My reply follows his commentary below: You've seen the Mac - PC ads, no doubt. Now, I've never met Bruce, but I'll wager that he's the PC guy. And you probably know that I'm the Mac guy. I also know that you're a PC guy. Let me say right away that I have nothing against PC guys. And I have nothing against PC's. Hell, if it wasn't for PC's and PC guys, hackers might turn their attention to the Mac operating system and manage to actually develop a virus that might infiltrate my beloved computer like the zillions of viruses that plague virtually every PC user. But that's another story. Having a PC guy recommend one technology over another would be cause enough for me to choose the other. I'm a Mac guy. I don't trust their judgement on such matters. So I would not be impressed by PC guy's evaluation of the Dish vs DirecTV issue. After all, this guy actually USES a PC! Wow. He thinks that Windows, DOS and VISTA are easy to use, well designed and visually appealing. He, like 95% of the rest of the world have been loyal Windows customers since Big Blue was king. 95%!! They must be right. He tried a Mac once. Didn't like the shape... was somewhat rectangular, he said. And it seemed a little retarded... it had menus and stuff that didn't look right. The features and the interface are so much smarter on the PC, he said. Well, we all see the world from our perspective. PC guy loves the look and feel of Dish... sorta reminds him of VISTA. Mac guy prefers the elegant, clean look of DirecTV. PC guy doesn't care for the DirecTV TiVo. Mac guy knows that DirecTV stopped supporting TiVo about a year ago, in favor of different DVR technology altogether. Really? PC guy thinks that DirecTV still uses TiVo?? Mac guy looks in the back yard and sees an oval DirecTV dish... not round... oval. No corners. Rectangular? Huh? But... 95% of the world can't be wrong. So PC guy tells fellow PC guy that Dish is better. I think that he's right. Dish is better for PC guy. You did the right thing canceling your DirecTV agreement. You can't crossover until you're ready. You'll know when you're ready. In reply: Insightful, Terry. Yes, Bruce and I are both PC users. Let’s get one thing straight: I am no more loyal to Windows than I am to a muddy corn field that has hopelessly entrapped my tractor. I consider Bill Gates in the tier just slightly above Sadaam, O.J., Nixon and other prominent liars. As for crossing over, I don’t know, as you suggest, that PC user is a conscious choice that can be turned on or off. PC user may well be part of our genetic makeup. It could not have helped that my very first computer–an Apple IIc–was repossessed. My brother gave it to me in 1982, but soon asked for it back. It turned out his friend had stolen it from a local high school. Matt told me that the sheriff wanted it back, so I thought as a fellow receiver of stolen property I should help him comply. That would mark the end my days with Apple, until 21 years later when I would download the PC version of iTunes. Not long after that I would synch that with an iPod, one of the coolest devices I have ever owned. But that’s another story. During the 21 years in between I took Bill Gates’s name in vain enough times to fill several floppy disks. I hated 3.1, loathed Me and tolerated 98. Finally XP, initially dubbed "CTRL-ALT-DEL Much Less Often" came out and I basked in the glory of the first version of Windows that was actually worth more than the paper used to make the box it came in. You MAC people, with your half-dozen Mac compatible programs, snickered, claiming Windows was finally close to useable mimicry of the Mac. What I realize now, however, is that the seemingly evil Bill Gates and his perplexing array of underdeveloped products actually did me a favor. PC is like a Sudoku or NY Times Crossword. The solutions don’t come easy, thus the satisfaction of actually getting the software to work is far greater than you have ever experienced with take-it-for-granted Mac computing. The PC and its bundled frustrations have sharpened my mind. New research suggests that Mac users who do not do puzzles are 2.3% more likely to develop dementia than PC users. There is more. Through countless hours of research, trial and error, I finally consider myself an advanced user of the PC. Not an expert, because I still have a life, but I can configure my wireless router, I am on friendly terms with run>msconfig and with coaching and a little profanity, I managed to replace a defective heat sink. While Mac users go about their own business. Advanced PC users practice altruism. Armed with knowledge-producing experience, I have helped other PC users in their hours, days or weeks of need. Surely you have not experienced the gratitude of a friend or family member who has suddenly regained the use of her keyboard, as if Billy Graham himself had proclaimed it healed. Mac is too simple for its own good. It’s like turning on a lamp or making toast. You flip a switch or push a lever and it works exactly as it should. Where is the glory in that? Like the cool, smooth-talking actor on the commercial teasing the middle-aged dolt with a web cam duct taped to his head, you flaunt your natural immunity to viruses and other malicious electronic threats, whose vile authors have ignored the 5% because simple mathematics eliminates it as an effective vehicle for controlling or terrorizing the masses. I cannot expect you to understand, but there is value too in my successful defense against the dark arts of computing. Each quarantined virus, captured spyware, salvaged file or firewall-blocked network attack is a triumph. Each brings the thrill of the winning shot or the Vegas jackpot. Most importantly, navigating the hostilities of the PC universe has made me aware of pervasive real world threats that lurk beyond the confines of the CPU. I wash my hands more. I check my blind spot when changing lanes. I look both ways when crossing the street. I always wear clean socks and underwear in case I need an operation. I keep a month’s supply of fresh water in my basement, along with batteries, flashlights and hypothermia blankets. I know how to check for bugs (not a medical or gardening reference) and I remember to scan the curbside for surveillance vans each night before I go to bed. I start my car at a distance with a remote control device. I carry a taser at all times (except in the hot tub), keep a loaded assault rifle in my trunk and strap a parachute inside my scrubs when ascending the stairs to the 11th floor of the hospital. I know how to disarm live explosives and I can survive in any forest or subdivision green space for months without an outside source of food or shelter. I eat plenty of fiber. I am the real-life Dwight Schrute, complete with throwing stars, numchucks and a healthy sense of paranoia, and I have PC to thank for it. So I ask you, Terry Mac User-Direct TV Not So Retarded Guy, when the unexpected catastrophe, like Y2.01K, threatens the very existence of the human race, will Mac users be ready? ___________ Nothing But Iron is a amateur sports column, at least most of the time, but sometimes it is about other things, like computer hardware and survival strategies. Note to Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms: The author, who is prone to confabulation (also known as makin’ stuff up) for purposes of the entertainment of his readers, does not actually own an assault rifle or any weapon listed above, although he does disclose the possession of a several unopened bottles of wine, part of 12-pack of beer and a small emergency supply of water in his basement. In addition the author admits to once riding his bike to Sentry and purchasing a carton of cigarettes as a minor child, as instructed to do so by his major parents, however this occurred at a time when such behavior was not considered a breach of either parental or childhood etiquette. The fully intact carton was given to the author’s mom, along with all the change and the receipt. ©DrTM. All rights reserved.