Nothing But Iron: Night Moves by Steven R. Lagman, M.D., C.A.S.W. September 12, 2009 This onset of the birth of this issue occurred on the evening of the first Badgers game of the 2009 (and always hopefully part of 2010) football season as I pondered the prospects, predictions and plentiful pointless perspectives–somebody stop me–for a fun-filled fall full of football.  O.K. I am done with alliteration, for awhile, at least.  Anyway, it was a long labor, interrupted by a non-hunting, non-fishing trip to Canada (to be described in the next issue), a day of packing for my trip to Canada and a day of full-contact gardening to help offset the neglect of my agricultural charges, which are doing quite well, thanks for asking.   Fortunately for you, this will be short, but I am committed to saying something about my favorite college team before I leave for the game against Fresno State, which starts in just two hours.  Not unlike its wholly illegitimate cousin, the NFL preseason, the college non-conference season doesn’t often reveal much.  At first glance, it seems the Badgers are better than last year.  This is good, because if I have to read another word of (State Journal writer) Tom Oates’s incessant predictably pessimistic drivel about special teams, make-or-break seasons or Brett Bielema’s last chance to save his job, I swear I will read the bowling coverage instead.  And by the way, losing trend acknowledged, this is not a make-or-break season for the Badgers.  If you want to tell me that the boys in Iraq and Afghanistan are in the midst of a make-or-break season, I accept that, but this is football, so enough with your prognosticatorial® melodrama.   Here is my summary of Northern Illinois at Wisconsin: 1) The night was sultry, but not really.  It was pleasant.  And dark.  2) I enjoyed mingling with thousands of red clad friendlies, except while I was in line to buy popcorn for Kelly.  Regardless of the eventual prospects of one’s team, there is a always an excitement about the possibilities of a new season.  3) I was pleasantly surprised by quarterback Scott Tolzien’s performance.  Yes, he threw two interceptions, but I am pretty sure he was trying not to do that.  The rest of his game was stellar.  You can tell, or at least you think you can tell, when a quarterback is comfortable in his role, and I tell you Tolzien is comfortable.  Prediction:  Good choice.  4) I was glad to see the season open with an 80-yard Tolzien-to-Isaac Anderson TD  pass.  It’s a statement.  5) Advice for kicker Phillip Welch: kick the ball between those yellow pipe thingies.  6) We have some play makers on defense.  7) Our d-line and linebackers are better, but our secondary is not strong.  Prediction: Teams will pass on us early and often, starting today.  Prediction: I might be wrong.  7) We have runners, not all of whom are running backs, and that is always good.  It may take some patience for the maturation of our young offensive line before the run game has its full impact.  The potential is there. 8) 28-20 against Northern Illinois?  A near collapse in the fourth quarter, just when I was getting ready to leave early?  NIU has a history of almost threatening to beat teams from conferences of significance, so I am OK with it.  It was good to see the defense close the deal. OK, I have a few minutes for the Pack.  Bears at Lambeau tomorrow.  What a way to open the NFL season.  Kelly’s dad and brother have the tickets for this one (we have the Favrikings game), but I will stop whatever I should have been doing to watch what could be a very good game.  Prediction: I might be wrong.  Funny quote from last week’s final meaningless preseason game, from a surgical tech: “I can’t believe (the Packers) lost.  They were terrible.”  I don’t watch NFL preseason games, so I wondered (and suspected) what was different from the allegedly dominating performances of the first three games.  The next day I read that the starters hardly played at all.  And you think only men are oblivious.  I close this discussion with an insult to all professional sportswriters who talk about teams going “undefeated in the preseason”.  Have you no pride?  Undefeated in the preseason is as meaningful as me saying I am undefeated while wiping my . . . well, never mind.                   And speaking of distasteful images, a flashback (sorry) to the last issue.  You may think that the act of including an image of myself (purportedly, but not officially admitted) in a pink tennis skirt and hunting boots is my most distasteful act as a sportswriter, but clarification is in order:  it is merely my most distasteful act so far.  I have faith that creative license can take me even farther past the border separating the appropriate from the nausea inducing.  I think you cannot now accuse me of lacking commitment to my primary obligation as a photojournalist, that is, to elicit emotion.  Amusement, alienation or any response on either side of apathy is fine with me.  Judging from the grimaces, the I-can’t-believe-you-did-that head shaking and the requests for powerful sedatives, I would say I did well.  If nothing else, you will never see Brett Favre in Vikings purple again and think, “Now that’s odd.” ___________ Nothing But Iron is an amateur sports column written with profound haste and a healthy measure of carelessness.  This issue is dedicated to my brother Bruce, who crashed his mountain bike into large hard rock, fracturing three ribs and partially collapsing his lung in the process.  The author and the NBI staff, which is pretty much just the author, wish Bruce excellent pain control, 100% of total lung capacity and healing at an unprecedented rate.  The author apologizes for making Bruce laugh, but hopes that he can soon do so without the sensation that someone is stabbing him with a recently-sharpened spear.  ©2009 DrTM Enterprises.  All rights reserved, including the right to not crash into large hard rocks.