Nothing But Iron: Arrivederci Iowa by Steven R. Lagman, M.D., C.A.S.W. October 12, 2006 It has been said by a man known for saying things that are fairly obvious , that you just can’t do everything. For example, you can’t drink a beer while whistling, you can’t grill a steak while taking a shower, and you can’t travel to two places that begin with the letter I at exactly the same time in early November. Well, that’s not perfectly true, because you could go to Iowa City in Iowa and both of those start with I. Iowa versus Italy is another story, one that cannot yet be written because we don’t leave for Italy until November 3. The only downside is that our trip will encroach upon the weekends of the Penn State and Iowa games. I reveal this in the context of an apology to my team for abandoning it in its three hours of need, and one to my friends who live on the other side of the great river. My failure to honor the long tradition of attending the Iowa-Wisconsin football game and graciously receiving the Corn Trophy (presented annually to select fans of the losing team) and the condolences of my happy, but similarly gracious Hawkeyes friends, is no small source of inner conflict. Granted, there are few conflicts that cannot be overcome with a plate of steaming pasta and couple glasses of Chianti, but there is conflict nonetheless. The apparent slight has nothing to do with Iowa’s ever-lengthening streak of wins over the Badgers. It’s just that Italy was an opportunity too good to pass up. It is common knowledge that Iowa is stunning in November, but you may not realize that Italy was preferred in a two-to-one margin over our nation’s leading corn producer in a recent Conde Nast survey. Our Italy trip is also an opportunity for me to begin the study of a fourth language, not counting pig Latin. In case your a wondering about the nature of my trilinguality, I speak, English, some Spanish and I am practically fluent in Iowan. I hate to abandon tradition, but, like I say, you just can’t do everything. Speaking of tradition, I watched the Packers on Sunday. On purpose. In person. I did this at a monetary cost that is too embarrassing to reveal in public, but let’s just say it was the equivalent of paying $25 for cold french fries. I am waiting for the Packers to announce a price decrease commensurate with the quality of the product, but I am not holding my breath for fear of anoxic brain injury, which would compromise the satisfaction of watching of the Packers when they finally do constitute a good value. The Packers did a lot of things, but winning wasn’t one of them. As reader David Zimmerman pointed out, the team is not far from being competitive. He also acknowledged that close is only relevant for the winning team. I think he meant that the difference between a team that wins and one that can’t fight its way out of a leaf pile is probably a matter of a few good players who live in other cities and play for other teams or aren’t born yet. It might be a d-back or a defensive end or a receiver or kick returner, or some combination of those, but the personnel gap is obvious with every loss. I am over it, and will continue to get over it until there is nothing to be over. Brett Favre played within himself, for what that’s worth in the aftermath of a defeat. There were times he didn’t look sharp, especially throwing into a stiff wind, but, judging from the plethora or No. 4 jerseys in the crowd, fans still love him. He played well enough that the Packers could have won with just a bit more support from his teammates. Al Harris’s dropped interception, that could have been returned for a touchdown, was as costly as any play of the game, with the possible exception of the terminal fumble. Despite the loss, I was glad I went. New Lambeau is a fine venue with better-than-average food and ample beverage offerings. It’s hard to beat sunburn weather in October. Greg Jennings’s highlight catches made the trip worthwhile. Best of all, the crowd of 70,000 mostly non-booing fans was in it from start to dismally deflating finish. I was proud to be a part of that. I finally watched some of that Badger game on the TiVo-captured late-night delayed telecast. It is so good to see Northwestern in its more traditional role of loser. I have had my fill of over-achieving intellectuals spoiling yet another perfectly good game day for UW fans. John Stocco continues to look like one of the best UW quarterbacks ever. Paul Hubbard and Luke Swan are emerging as go-to receivers, but Hubbard, who’s hands are just fine on the receiving end of most passes, has to figure out a way to hold onto the ball a few seconds longer. Running back PJ Hill is causing such a stir that people are starting to talk about whether or not Ron Dayne’s records are secure. I don’t play that game, but am fine with others doing so. It’s human nature to fantasize about Wisconsin’s next Heisman candidate, especially when one this exciting comes along, but in the modern era it is far more likely that Hill will bolt for the NFL after his junior year. Thankfully, he’s a freshman–one whose vision, toughness, versatility and patience are damn impressive. I can hardly wait to see him play again. Quote of the week: "Wisconsin could finish 10-2. And unranked." I wish I could remember who said it. ______________ Nothing But Iron is an amateur sports column. This issue is dedicated to my Iowa friends who will now have to cheer for the Hawkeyes, as they would normally do, and for the Badgers on my behalf. Special thanks to Terry and Debra for planning our Italy trip, especially for the most recent sacrifice of a two-week due-diligence reconnaissance mission to the region in which we will be traveling next month, where they sampled various restaurants, points of interest and accommodations in order to pronounce these suitable for friends. The author wishes to recognize Mike, his cool, insightful brother, who recently protested that family members should always be included in the body of the article and never in the footnotes. A presto (eesay ooyay oonsay). ©2006 DrTM Enterprises. All rights reserved.