Nothing But Iron: Vikings Wipe (With) Packers January 11, 2005 by Steven R. Lagman, M.D., C.A.S.W. Disgusting. Offensive. Pathetic. You probably think I am talking about Randy Moss’s simulated butt wiping on a Lambeau Field goal post, or, as the newspapers cowardly and incorrectly portrayed it, "simulated mooning" of Packers fans, but I am not. That act, which should have been surprising only if you had just returned from a long sabbatical to study giant snail reproduction in the ESPN-forsaken rain forests of South America, was completely within the character of its protagonist. It is true that Moss not only has, but is an ass, but that is not newsworthy or sports worthy. I refer, as I open with these unkind adjectives, to the awful performance of the Green Bay Packers, who managed to make an utter caricature of the phrase home field advantage for the second time in recent history. Other than a surprising scoreless third quarter for both teams, and a generously debilitating mass of turnovers in favor of the visitors, there wasn’t that much difference between this game and its predecessors of the same season. The Vikings, true to form, put up 31 points. The difference was the Packers offense, which, despite multiple take-the-candy-from-the-purple-baby opportunities, managed to accumulate only half of its projected 34 points. At times the Vikings, especially their much-maligned defense played inspired football. At times the same could be said of the Packers defense too, but that is only half the story. Had the Packers been mere victims of stellar play by the Vikings, I would have had an easier time accepting the outcome. The other half of the story–the half that sent the Packers packing, was a series recurring mistakes that we might have expected by battling third stringers in the heat of an August preseason game. So went the season. As for Randy Moss’s post-touchdown gesture, I chose to have no problem with it, much in the way I would choose to have no problem with a toddler throwing spaghetti on the floor. In fact, I found it a little humorous, a little creative and more than a little accurate in its illustration of current events. I find that act so much less offensive than the many ways Moss’s self-serving demeanor regularly fails his teammates on the field of play. Those of us who will whine about Randy’s asinine behavior on bulletin boards and sports radio are missing the bigger story: that our team was embarrassed in the most important game of the season, at home, by its most-hated rival. We should admit that this makes us angry. We should get over Randy Moss. _______________ Nothing But Iron is an amateur sports column. The author, a committed fan of the Packers and of Brett Favre, dedicates this issue to the Packers and Brett Favre, as an acknowledgment of the many positives of the season, like winning the NFC North after a 1-4 start. This issue is further dedicated to the Philadelphia Eagles, the author’s new favorite team, at least for a week. Nothing But Iron is brought to you by the makers of Randy Wipes™, the flimsiest bathroom tissue money can buy. ©2005 DrTM Enterprises. All rights reserved.