Nothing But Iron: Between the XXXIX’s and O’s January 29, 2005 by Steven R. Lagman, M.D., C.A.S.W. For those who are Eagles or Patriots, fans of either team or common gamblers, there is much at stake in Super Bowl 2005, like a share of the Packers Coach Lombardi Trophy or money or both. For the rest of us, there are commercials. Super Bowl Commercials (SBC’s) have become their own art form–funny, creative, enticing, wildly popular and godawful expensive. Praise to Fox for its plan, according to my sources, to air all the commercials together in a special program after the game. I wonder: Will the post-game showing of the commercials be interrupted by other commercials? Will these commercials be just as funny as the protagonist commercials? Will the commercial show instead be intermixed with frequent 30-second-long game highlights, during which time viewers can use the bathroom or get more chips and bean dip? Pehaps the best SBC of the 2005 collection is one that you will never see unless you log onto www.budweiser.com, which I recommend. It is a spinoff of last year’s overblown, over-shown Janet Jackson breastcapade. The setting: Jackson is back stage before last year’s halftime show. She sets her bustier on a chair and walks off for a moment. A passing delivery guy spies a tub of Budweiser bottles and takes one. He can’t open it, so he uses the bustier for leverage. It rips, and he tries frantically to repair it . . . You know the rest. It’s hilarious. I will soon drink a Budweiser in honor of this ad. I cannot fully convey the depth of my disappointed that this gem will not be aired. There is not a single openly-offensive instant, such as simulated mooning, in this ad. When did we develop such a compulsion to protect ourselves from humor? If this exclusion of this SBC is indicative of our society’s inability to laugh at itself, we have become a weak-minded species indeed. ______________ Nothing But Iron is an amateur sports column written by Steven R. Lagman, M.D. C.A.S.W, inventor of the almost-popular Cow-zeer, a malfunction-resistant sports-bra-like cover up for dairy cows developed in response to complaints of that bovine mammary exhibitionism was "rampant" in the farm fields of Wisconsin. The new version is available with an optional bottle opener. ©MMV DrTM Enterprises. All rights reserved.