Nothing But Iron: Role Reversals by Steven R. Lagman, M.D., C.A.S.W. October 14, 2005 If the not-much-anticipated made-for-television movie, Kongtrina, were produced today, Wisconsin’s defense would be a lock for the role of New Orleans levy, and the Green Bay Packers would audition credibly for the part of the Hurricane. Who would have imagined that cast a week ago? Could it be that the Packers have stumbled onto some magic success formula, or are the Saints just that bad? Could it be that Northwestern is the contender it appeared to be, or did the Badgers defenders fall under the imperious curse of the Harry Potter realm? Is it logical that Green Bay (1-4) is in the thick of the NFC North title race? Is it logical that Detroit is leading the conference? Is UW’s 48 points, punctuated by occasional, yet critical failures, really that good against one of the worst defenses in the country? Why, several games into the season, are there so many unanswered questions? Is anything known for certain? The answer is yes. Here are the certainties: 1) The Badgers and most of the rest of the teams in the Big Ten have tough roads ahead. Wisconsin’s only sure thing is against Illinois, but it is conceivable that the UW-NW game film could be the defibrillator that the lifeless Illini need to resuscitate themselves. Minnesota, Purdue, Penn State and Iowa because of opponent, venue or both are potential losses. Hawaii has volcanoes and tsunamis. With so many defensive casualties, and the persistent absence of two key starters (Matt Bernstein and Owen Daniels) on offense, a 3-2 finish would be optimistic. Given that, I project a 3-2 finish in the conference, with highs in the mid-80's (temperature, not score) for the island finale. 2) What the h^%$* am I thinking? The Hawaii game is November 25th. Highs in the low 80's. 3) Against the confounding Wildcats 48 points was not enough, though the near come back by the guys in red was thrilling to watch. Imagine the deflation felt by the players who fought so hard to turn the momentum, only to succumb to a fatal toe stub in the final minute. 4) Alvarez’s decision to attempt the onside kick after Wisconsin’s final score was sensible. I reasoned, as he might have, that a kick recovery was the best–perhaps only–opportunity to get the ball back. (In fact, I lobbied my television for onside kicks after every UW score in the second half.) What neither of us seemed to consider was Northwestern’s offense crawling into a pathetic, conservative shell of its recently explosive self. That strategy almost, and should have, cost the Wildcats the win. As it turned out, the field position caused by the failed onside kick was a critical advantage exploited by Northwestern’s recently docile defense. 5) John Stocco, who played admirably otherwise, had exhausted his allotment of clutch plays. Though some of us slug-slow, beer-gutted couch quarterbacks, scrutinizing the replay in slow-motion, probably concluded that we could have done better, it cannot be easy throwing from one’s own end zone the game on the line and the defense knowing it would be a pass. 6) The dream season was only a dream. In the indefinite wisdom of BCS purveyors, every game for almost every team is a playoff game. UW is eliminated. Penn State is the lone conference survivor, but away games at Michigan and Michigan State, not to mention six other undefeated teams vying for hard-drive space opposite Texas or USC, make the Rose Bowl a long shot. 7) There are worse things than seeing Joe Pa have a good season before he reaches mandatory retirement age of 96. Kudos to the Penn State loyalists who stuck by their beloved coach through tough times. If I knew that guy’s name I would include it here. 8) Brett Favre is having fun again. When Brett has fun, we have fun. 9) Al Harris for Pro Bowl. In slightly related news, last Friday I came close to quitting my day job. The Edgewood Crusaders played their homecoming football game in Camp Randall Stadium as part of the Wisconsin Football Coaches Association Classic. The freshmen, including my son Patrick, and JV players were allowed to suit up for the game, so they could share in the thrill of a big time field, if only on the sidelines. I asked Patrick’s coach if he had an extra field pass so I could take pictures. There were no extras, but Coach sought me out during warm ups and handed me his own pass across the fence. I flashed it to the security guard, and with Canon Digital Rebel, 300mm lens and monopod in tow, promptly attempted to open the wrong side of the access gate. Amateurs. The guard quickly came to my assistance, and I stepped onto the once-forbidden field turf. It was as if I had just stepped into the Land of Oz. The only thing that distinguished me from a real photographer was the lack of two or three extra cameras and absence of the pressure of having to earn a paycheck with my images. As I positioned myself two feet from the back of the end zone, I imagined what it must have been like to be in that very spot two weeks ago when the Badgers played Michigan to a packed house. The idea of it gave me chills. As carriages go, this one reverted to a pumpkin soon enough. Accepting reality, I left the game at halftime, exchanging my field pass for a night at the hospital, reclaiming my mundane existence as an anesthesiologist stamping out pain and consciousness. _______________ Nothing But Iron is an amateur sports column. The author doesn’t really think his existence as an anesthesiologist is mundane, but does really think big-time sports photography would be a thrilling side gig, and he would gladly exchange it for night call. The imperious curse, which allows one to assume complete control over the actions of another, is a registered trademark of Nike Wizard Gear. ©2005 DrTM Enterprises. All rights reserved.