Nothing But Iron: Marching on Thin Ice (alternative title: Band Cramp) by Steven R. Lagman M.D., C.A.S.W. October 21, 2006 According to an article in the State Journal, the Wisconsin marching band got a stern warning from University Chancellor John Wiley, amidst allegations of bad behavior by some band members at the Michigan game: clean it up or face "extinction for a significant period of time." That’s redundant if you ask me or any extinct dinosaur or volcano. Extinction tends to be permanent. I think Wiley probably meant dormant, or maybe even mostly dead, but who am I to correct the boss of a whole university who is eloquent by title? According to the report Wiley even threatened band director Mike Leckrone with a "change in leadership." My guess is that the first question that comes to your mind is: Who is this Wiley guy anyway and where did he get such big, um, bass drums? Governor Doyle would not have threatened Brett Favre. Pope Benedict would not have threatened Roger Federer. President Bush would not have threatened Tiger Woods. On the other hand Leckrone does work for the chancellor. On the third hand, which is likely the anatomical consequence of some bad genetic mutation, Dub-Chance (as I call Wiley at tailgate parties) works for us, as in us taxpayers, for whom Leckrone is an iconic symbol, kind of like the Buddha figurine of certain Asian cultures or the Nike swoosh of ours. That could be why fans booed Wiley during the halftime homecoming ceremonies of last week’s game in Camp Randall. I am not saying I know more than a full-fledged chancellor, but there is an alternative approach to bad band behavior. Rather than punish the whole state of Wisconsin, find out which specific band members crossed the line, and extinguish those specific members. And let’s not forget, as lines go, that as long no one gets hurt, there would be little harm in drawing that line a little differently for college students than we might for the AARP card set. Two weeks have gone by and we still have a band. This is good because banning the band in Wisconsin would be worse than banning fall colors or the fond tradition of setting our clocks back for no good reason at all. I would be surprised if Leckrone doesn't get control of the situation, otherwise there might well be a leadership change. If so, I wish Wiley well in his job search. _______________ Nothing But Iron is an amateur sports column written for Badgers fans and for people who tolerate Badgers fans. The author did not boo Chancellor Wiley, however, he was amused to hear others doing so and does not apologize for that. The author, who has publically admitted to being jealous of discounts on early dinners at Perkins for AARP members, apologizes for offending Smitty. ©2006 DrTM Enterprises. All rights reserved.

Homecoming day.  Reader David Z carves turkey at Smitty's (at right, salivating) tailgate party.